Want your kids to listen?

Over the past few days, more than one well-meaning parent has discussed issues about their teenaged kids not listening to them.

As we talked, I noticed a common behavior: these parents are not good listeners. They listen to themselves talk, wait for a response, then quickly cut into the conversation with more talk several times in the span of a minute or two. I'm no different. When I feel frustrated, I do more talking than listening. It's a common habit of many of us, frankly.

I advise all parents with this problem, if you want your teenage children to listen, you must become a good listener first. That means listening with your eyes first. We know teens don't make eye contact when they want to be left alone, but they know when we're listening because we're watching them as we communicate -- even if that communication is complete silence.

Attention is possibly the greatest indication that gives any child the knowledge that he or she is important. Silence gives them the opportunity to initiate any conversation. As we tend to dominate, as parents, guardians and caretakers (yes, if you are an important person in a child's life, that's what you essentially are), those doors close quickly. So, please, don't yield authority, but don't forget that giving a child permission to have silence is key to open communication.

That leads to trust, which is what the issue is really about. Stay close, embrace any stretches of silence and listen with your eyes. It is a good place to start.