Loyalty is Love

I watched a documentary about DeMarcus Cousins, and one of the profound chapters of his life was his youth basketball program. His coach took him in like family, especially with DeMarcus being the son of a single mom. Fundamentals and principles, day after day, on and off the court. When he built a basketball facility for his coach and the neighborhood, at center court is their motto: LOYALTY IS LOVE.

Poor community. Rich in love. That's what ripples into the hearts of so many teams across the country, around the world. We aren't the richest, but we have devotion and teamwork. We have trust and toughness, and underneath all of that is loyalty. It is priceless. I see this amazing, relentless love by our parents in our 4th, 5th and 6th Grade teams, the ones that have been practicing together for the past three years.

All of the keiki who have worn our Thunder uniforms since we began in 2010 have shown so much heart and dedication. We still "heart" all our teammates, even the ones who left. But parents who are loyal are not common at all, as we saw in the past few months. The ones who left — most of the former 8th Grade and JV parents — didn't accept a disciplined, structured system of work ethic, accountability and teamwork for their kids. A few of them wanted special treatment, demanding a starting role for a player who hadn't been to practice for ONE YEAR. One dad-coach (DS), who I trusted with all I had, even lied blatantly to me and some of our loyal families — telling me to my face that he was stepping away to do basketball clinics for his church (Assembly of God) — then secretly started his new team with his personal friends and convinced a few of our parents to abandon us, parents who rejected the work ethic and their teammates, and believed his lies.

Last fall, while I was going through back channels to ask the chief of a referee association (BY) and director of Ikaika League (CT, who refused to talk to me) to find out why the quality of officiating had slipped so badly, this dad-coach didn't have my back. The referee association's chief told me that he didn't like my e-mail, and decided to ban me from coaching in Ikaika League even though I didn't have any technical fouls, didn't do anything except ask questions. In fact, he said the only way he would rescind this would be if I wrote an apology in the newspaper — for a personal email. He also said the Ikaika League director was "making his referee association the scapegoat."

I stood up for our Thunder Ohana, and both the referee association and the league director refused to deal with the problem even though I was cordial and professional about it. So, our dad-coach used this situation to hurt us. Instead of having my back and standing strong, he went behind it and stabbed it. He used it to pursue his own agenda, had secret meetings and broke up friendships among our keiki that went back 2, even 3 years. Lying blatantly to start his own team. It's no wonder he calls his team "Lions (Lyins)". Those kids aren't liars, but he certainly is.

These are the facts. My emotions have leveled out since all this happened six months ago. God is good, and always will be. The parents who jumped ship were some of the same ones who let their kids play Fortnite instead of go to practice. Who consistently skipped practice even though I offered to give their keiki rides to practice and home afterward. Parents who don't understand that correcting their children's continual mistakes is a big part of coaching. Parents who forgot that discipline and fundamentals came from this Thunder Ohana, not the conniving, gossiping and lying adults who attempted to sabotage us. Parents who work hard, but shelter their kids in a marshmallow-cushioned universe. It's a society-wide problem.

And yet, we SURVIVED. And we are THRIVING. We have leagues like CAL and PAA that have the highest integrity, are open to discussion any time, and we respect them greatly after all these years. They are true professionals who expect the best from their referees, and we know they try their best. That's all we ask. We focus on our daily development. We have joy. Our keiki love this game. They love their teammates. They have immense support from their moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, aunties and uncles.

We aren't perfect, but we are truthful. It's the only way to really grow. So in the end, I'm grateful. I cherish our families who have stuck through and are the backbone of our Thunder Ohana to this day, from Coach Larry Visoria and Coach Bo Kekahuna, the original Thunder keiki like Cody Ogoso, and through the years with the Afe-Passion ohana and their sons Mosi and Chris (and DJ), right on through to the boys and girls who play their hearts out for their teammates today. The coaches like Coach Jesse, Coach Tom, Coach Eddie and Coach Darrick, all who give from the heart. Auntie Patti and all the friends who have supported us with their encouragement, supporting our fundraisers to help us make ends meet. Our friends, our parents, our keiki — their hearts are pure. They are a big reason why I never lost my joy despite temporary setbacks.

Loyalty is love, love, love. God is alive :)